kyliejo

After a bad day yesterday at the career fair, I woke up at 1am with a stuffed nose and full on sore throat. Grrrrr…

I called my preceptor and told him I wasn’t coming in. My husband woke up with a sore throat too. Crapola.

So frusterating. I am trying not to use it as an excuse to eat bad. I drank a vanilla shake already. I wanted to exercise tonight and everything. I wanted to go to the hospital today, it was my inpatient day and I was going to go on rounds.

The job fair was horribly crowded and sucked. I don’t want to work chain retail. I don’t want to work for CVS or Walgreens and have to check 2 scrips per minute and never get to talk to my patients. I am just going to have to take the “other road”. The harder, crappier road that means I won’t make as much but who cares. I did like the staffing company but I would have to travel a lot which I would miss my routine, husband, and fur babies.

SO I am thinking more and more about residency. I am really thinking about going to the inner city hospital that is hooked in with the children’s hospital. I talked to the guy yesterday and he said I could do a few months at the children’s hospital in whatever area I wanted. I know a lot of people say it’s “ghetto” and the people are weird but oh well. Those are the people who need the most help. They just built a huge new diabetes center and they have openings in the women and infant section and a bunch of others for clinical pharmacists. Ah! I never knew graduating was so confusing.

Anyways, I am doing ok. Stupid cold. I hope I get better fast b/c we go to the Northland clinic on Monday and I love it b/c we see kids all day and it’s fun.

I have read all your blogs but didn’t comment, sorry. I do know what everyone is up to

So I went to zumba Monday, my teacher’s last class before she gives birth and she still kicked our butts! I guess there will be a sub the next few weeks.

I also tried boot camp tonight. It was hard, I hate crawling on the floor b/c it’s hard but also the floor is gross!

I have been sneaking my husband’s Halloween candy stash here and there, 4 pieces or so a day. It’s almost gone. I also had a small cookie today at the hospital but I only got one and not 3 (they come in 1 and 3 packs). Luckily I work with a bunch of dietians! They eat pretty healthy.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the children’s hospital so far. I love the clinic too (I go to the North clinic sometimes). Very bright and colorful and the kids like it. The kids are so cute and funny. They whip out their insulin pumps and know how to program it and all that. I’ve seen a couple of type 2 diabetics too. One kid he had it and so did his mom. I just can’t believe it. The kid wasn’t really that big, he was a little chubby but not big. I just thought if that was my kid I would put the whole family on a big “diet” and we would all exercise and eat good. Most of the kids are more on top of their disease then any of the adults or seniors I’ve ever seen with diabetes! These kids want to understand at 9 years old and take responsibility then I see a ton of 40 and 50 year olds who give up and don’t care. It’s kind of crazy.

I guess 50% of the kids who grow up from our clinic and turn 18 stop going to the doctor and go untreated for 10 years but then end up in the hospital. Crazy.

I actually am going to wear a insulin pump with saline instead of insulin start tomorrow until Friday. I have to enter my carbs and tell it how much insulin to give me and stuff then they’ll print a report and see how I do. My husband is freaking out and thinks it’s going to hurt me somehow.

OH I got an email from my school, I am getting H1N1 shot on Thurs after the career fair! I am glad I could get the shot. I don’t like the live nasal vaccines, just personal preference.

So I made a bunch of stuff to take to the party. I was good all day, I stuck to my meals and ate dinner right before hand. I took the pup on a 50 min walk all over the neighborhood. A group of kids were dressed up and my pup was scared of them hahaha also the neighbors had fake people outside and she was scared of them too!

So the party was OK. People were drinking way too much. I didn’t drink. My husband had like 3 drinks then stopped. My friend’s husband got sick. It’s just kind of gross. I had 3 oreo balls and a little taste of everything but kept it at bay. I had 2 bite sized twix from our candy pile. The kids stopped coming around 7:30pm so we left some candy outside and left for the party. We didn’t have many kids. I think a lot of them were sick. Last year we had to go to Walmart and get more candy. This year we still have a small pile left.

I did really good and feel happy about the whole day. I am going to have to have my husband hide the candy pile b/c I already had 1 bite sized twix today and I want more.

I start my new rotation tomorrow. I am kind of nervous. I hate the first day. I have to go to the neurologist tomorrow. Last time  I was there I was 176 so I will be up a few pounds but I don’t think he’ll care.

I WISH I had this month off….I’m tired! One more month then I have all of Dec off! I am going to Las Vegas for a meeting then to FL with my husband.

So today went well. I stuck with my meals and snacks. I didn’t want to work out but forced myself to go to the gym to spend 30 min on the treadmill.

Tomorrow everyone is bringing treats…my solution? Making Hungry Girl’s Pumpkin Smash, 65 cals per square plus I am also bringing light cool whip (15 cal). I will just eat my own and ignore the rest. I don’t need that.

I am nervous about tomorrow night, I am going to one of my Halloween parties, it’s at this flea market that doubles as a restraunt and bar at night (weird place…haha). A bunch of the younger students begged me to go…so I have to work then go home, change, find a costume then go. They said “there will be food”….crap…

OH OH OH and they are almost done building a Donkin Donuts by my house….they keep running ads and it’s driving me nuts. I keep driving by it and thinking about all the treats inside. I just can’t go in there because once I start….

down to 181.4lb today…still determined…

I got most of my stuff for my party on Sat. It’s a pain I have to make all this stuff but it will be worth it.

Oh and for Paula, I am planning my Thanksgiving meal. I am not going to make it low cal per say (it’s all about portion control!) but I am going to focus on protein and veggies. I can tell you all about it if you want. I am still looking up stuff to make. I am excited but a little stressed since this is my first solo at my house Thanksgiving EVER. I am cooking for my husband’s entire family and part of mine (my mom and sister are going out of town….my older brother really wants my mom to go and my sister is going with the boyfriend). I am going to make some sugar free stuff for grandma (although she will most likely eat regular stuff too, she is bad!).

So I woke up all excited to weigh in, I have been doing SO good. I haven’t cheated. I have been stronger than ever. So…2 lb gain. I was 180 on Sat and now it says 182? WTF?

It hit me then I shrugged it off. There is NO way it’s right. I did have a small serving of tortilla chips last night which are very salty so I am sure that is it. I am drinking lots of fluids today and will try again tomorrow.

SO just to prove it to myself I wore my size 12 pants today. They are my straight leg black pants and they are a bit snug but I can sit and stuff in them. I am not going to let this ruin my day or send me off on a binge. I am not going to let the fat win.

Oh so I talked to the sabatoger today (the girl who I am friends with who tries to get me to eat bad, we use to be “foodies” together) and we’re both invited to the same Halloween party on Sat. I asked her what she was bringing and she listed off all sorts of crap…candy covered cookie frosting cake blah blah blah. I reminded her that me, the hostess and her husband are all on major “diets” PLUS one of the guys coming who we are all good friends with is now on blood pressure medicine at 26. This is a group who can’t eat bad. She’s like “but it’s Halloween!!!” I was like yeah but that doesn’t mean you should pig out! So we kind of got into it. I send her some healthier recipies I found online.

SO I am going to come with an arsenal of good and healthy snacks. I emailed the hostess and she thanked me in advance. I am going to make garden veggie herb dip with veggies, healthy spinach and artichoke dip, parmesan zucchini sticks and maybe healthy pumpkin bread. PLUS I am going to eat dinner before I go so (me sticking my tounge out)

I am not going down on this Halloween. I want to wake up on Sunday and smile at myself for how well I did.

If you haven’t noticed, I am on a MISSION. No more BS, I am going to get past this point and I WILL see 16_ on my scale coming up. *high fives everyone on BuddySlim*

So far, so good. Last night I was very good. At the dinner meeting they had fried chicken, baked chicken, potato salad, rolls, cookies, corn on the cob and drinks. I had 2 baked chicken breasts and picked all the skin off, 1 roll, and 1 scoop of potato salad. There was a cookie that had broke in half and I took a bite of one of the halfs then threw the rest away! I drank the iced tea instead of the sugary punch. I didn’t get home until 9pm and was in bed by 10pm so I didn’t exercise.

Today I am on track (man that sounds and feels so good to say that) again and have a plan of attack. My snack is apple slices and I already had my coffee with cream. I have to work tonight so again, I don’t know how I am going to work out. I promised to work out 5 days this week so if I miss tonight that means I have to work out every day from here on out.

I have a lunch meeting today, I was invited to speak about my community service project I was in charge of last year so I don’t know if I will eat. I may just talk then leave and eat my lunch I brought. That would be for the best.

I have another meeting at 1pm. I just finished printing my stuff for it. The last week of a rotation is always sad but good. I am excited for my next one. I don’t know if I have told you guys about it. It’s at Children’s Mercy Hospital, I will be in the outpatient endocrine (diabetes) clinic. I love outpatient clinics, I love diabetes (you know what I mean) and I love children!

I am a little nervous because I don’t want to give or get the H1N1 and I know there is a huge outbreak right now. I will just have to be on alert.

I told Becky yesterday that when I get to 171 then it will be the “battle royale” with me and my body. I have never gotten lower than that. I usually give up at that point and gain. I am NOT doing that this time. It reminded me of someone else on here talking about quitting smoking and how you have to quit 10 times before you actually do it. It is the same with weight loss. I just feel mentally ready now, who knows why or how. I feel strong enough to take this on.

I hope everyone has a good day and makes it a day to be proud of!

I have done so well really since last Thurs. I am just taking it one meal at a time. Today I have stuck with it even though there’s a bake sale and tons of food around.

My friend in school, she’s at another rotation but we email back and forth. She has made a pact with me to exercise 5 days a week, it can be anything like walking the dog, laundry and cleaning…as long as we are active.

THEN I have my friends on here, April and Becky who keep me on track and made pacts with me to stay on course.

The cravings are getting a little easier, thank GOD!

I also found this new thing at Wamart, it’s Ocean Spray on-the-go. I am drinking the white cran-peach in my 24 oz of water I am making myself drink. It’s pretty good. It tastes like juice but only 5 cals per pack. It has vitamin C too.

I am trying so hard. SO hard. This is the best and most I’ve tried in months. I am really being honest with myself and facing my fears.

Last night I did another 60 min on the treadmill. I wanted to stop at 40 but I made myself stick with it. I ran through every excuse in the book in my head but stayed on.

I kept looking at myself in the side mirror and smiling. Before when I looked in those mirrors I thought they were messed up or skewed because I looked SO big. Now I look more normal. My legs look smaller and my shirt isn’t super tight on my bum and stomach.

I have that dinner meeting tonight. I am a little nervous but my friend in school is picking me up from rotation and driving us there and we promised to fill up on veggies first. There will be temptations in life but I got to learn how to deal.

I don’t know if I can work out tonight, depends on how late I get home. I need to go to bed earlier then I did last night. I stayed up exercising then cleaned my pets. The pup had to get her ears and teeth brushed and my hammie had to get his kennel cleaned and his potty emptied. He is being VERY hard to potty train. He is testing my patience. He decided he would rather roll around in his potty like a bath instead of going potty in it! I miss my old hamster, she was SO smart. She was a breeze to potty train and never pulled crap like this. He is a boy

Well hang in there to everyone, Halloween is coming up, another month gone. What have you accomplished? This is the question I have been asking myself all day…

So my husband literally watches football from dawn until dusk on Sundays. I told him I would make him 7 layer dip as a treat. So I went to Walmart and got the stuff. OMG they have even more candy out then before. I was drooling. I sniffed deeply when walking past the candy isle. It smelled like sugar. I left there SUPER hungry and candy crazed. I didn’t get any but I was hungry.

I made my husband the dip and gave myself a little scoop and chips to have some too. I didn’t need it but it’s better than what I wanted to eat and I kept it small.

I want to go work out tonight. Yesterday I was able to run on the treadmill for 4 minutes without stopping, I just wanted to try. I use to get winded after 30 seconds.

Tomorrow I have a dinner meeting. SO I am missing zumba and will be around food…

I have really been good since last Thurs, I know if I stick with this it will pay off.

So I just got back from dinner with my husband. I ate all of my food but I am ready and am going to work out soon including some weights in there.

Today was hard. I went to my pup’s daycare’s Halloween party (yes, I take her to daycare sometimes) and they had a lot of treats for people. I took 2 bites of candy then gave it to my husband.  A lady handed me a chunk of caramel apple, I took a bite then gave it to my husband. I stayed away from the chips and all other things.

My pup ripped off her Halloween costume, she was a cow and it was SO cute on her. She wasn’t feeling it.

I then went to Costco and Sam’s Club with my parents and they had a huge ass bowl of Halloween candy at their house. I ate 2 pieces. I got my husband a bunch more healthy treats and salad and stuff for him.

I stuck with my meals otherwise, well except for dinner.

I am now going to work out and burn some of this off!

Oh and I weighed myself today and was 180

I updated my ticker. I think I may weigh myself every few days to keep a really good eye on myself and see if this works.

Got to try different things I guess!

Ok everyone just ordered take out from this bar and grill and I painfully turned it DOWN. Ahhhhhhhhh I want to run and tell them “No, get me a chicken philly and fries” BUT I am going to beat this demon. I am stronger than that. Food does not control me. It is to nurish my body and is not to comfort me. God this is so hard. Why does it have to be so hard?

I don’t need to eat that. I have a perfectly healthy salad that I love waiting for me. Stay strong Holly. Stay strong.

Sorry but I had to share! I am really trying here. REALLY hard.

I WILL BEAT THIS ADDICTION.