kyliejo

So my mom tore her ACL. She was taking the dogs to the vet and they pulled and she somehow did it. She wouldn’t go to the ER last night but did go to the regular dr today. He scheduled her for a MRI Monday BUT my 2 brothers told her they think she can still fly up to Idaho tomorrow at 6am to visit my older brother. I know my younger brother in is medical school but he’s only in his 2nd year and doesn’t know everything and my older brother may have his PhD but he is not a medical doctor. I get so pissed at them sometimes. They will offer my mom alcohol and bad food. I am like HELLO mom is diabetic. So since she has so much swelling she is at risk for blood clots PLUS being on a plane for that long. The dr told her that too. At least I am making her wear compression stockings. I told her what to watch for too if she gets a blood clot. My older bro lives in the middle of no where and (no offense to small towns) but their hospitals are not usually the best and my mom has a lot of problems. This was her good leg too. The other leg is the one whose foot is 1/4 gone. Ugh. I am just trying not to think about it. Plus her blood sugar always goes crazy when she gets hurt.

I also got my second rejection letter for a job. So pharmacists can’t even find jobs in this shithole economy. “You seem to care about patients but we do not have any job openings in the Kansas City area and we do not expect any by the time you graduate either”

SO residency is looking better and better. At least I am 95% sure to get hired on afterwards to the hospital I do it at.

On a good note I helped teach a daylong class “living with diabetes” and it went really well. All the kids were great and the parents too. I really love working there. I already have some ideas for research projects I want to get involved with. I only have 3 more days there!

I need to get back there!

For lunch everyone got this 270 calorie shrimp stir fry with brown rice it was great and lots of veggies and healthy!

Also, on another good note, my dad’s labs came back and his cholesterol and everything was normal even though he gained 20 lbs back that he had lost. He still is boarderline for his blood pressure.

I am going to be worried about my mom, I know it. I don’t know how she is going to switch planes, be on a plane for 6 hours, then in a car for another 2 hours all while she needs to not be on her leg. All I can do is pray for her safe return.

I LOVE this rotation for many reasons. I love how much everyone cares, everyone loves their job and actually does it. There are a few slackers but even the slacker is good. I guess people don’t slack when it comes to taking care of children? I am really considering doing my residency there. I love working with the kids. I LOVE how everyone is pretty healthy and count cals and fat. Everyone eats lot of veggies and fruit. It’s so nice. No more crappy food or people stuffing themselves on crap.

I had a busy day. I am pretty tired. I am sore but not super sore from my boot camp class I have been going go. I have to work now tomorrow since I couldn’t go today so I will miss zumba but it’s ok.

I have major cool news—I just found out they are having a special “hip hop hustle” class this Sun for 2 hours at the gym by my house. I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited. I love doing hip hop but they’ve cancelled all the classes around here. So excited!!!

I have to practice my turkey making skills this weekend. I have never cooked anything that big!

My boot camp teacher said he’s holding a special post thanksgiving boot camp class at 9am the day after thanksgiving…I am thinking about going. I decided not to count cals on Thanksgiving, just eat sensibly and don’t stuff myself.

I am actually doing this guys, measuing my food, counting my cals. I am going to beat this!

Back down to 177! Lost 2 lbs since last week. OMG!!! I haven’t done this good in a while and I did it all by myself!

I am going to boot camp tonight, it will be hard but I want to keep challenging myself.

I am still doing good and counting my cals Go me!

So I am still doing good. Ending the day at 1677 cals. Went to zumba for an hour. My Thurs teacher subbed since my teacher for Mon had/will have her baby any day now. She took it up a notch since my Monday class is hardcore. It was pretty fun. Since I knew her routines I went up in front and helped lead. That was pretty cool.

I LOVE being around all this nutritionists and nurses at the children’s hospital. They all eat SO healthy. Seriously I love it. They all eat lots of veggies and talk about how to fix different veggies and stuff. It’s so cool. The only bad habit in the office is the coffee pot that runs all day. I am spending the day with the nutrition team tomorrow since our physician has the week off and I don’t have any patients to follow. I think I am going to ask them about what are filling and nutritious veggies. They seem to eat a lot of beets and squash. I want to know more. One of the nurses brings a huge pile of fresh veggies, all colors, and eats them everyday. It’s so motivating. A bunch of the younger nurses do zumba too! I guess the hospital offers classes We were talking about it. I guess they all DO work with diabetic patients so they should practice what they preach…

So my big weigh in is tomorrow. It’s been a full week of me being good, counting cals, being active. We will see what happens.

Thanks for the advice on the last blog. I think I am going to go to Macy’s or Dillard’s and just get the bigger top and have it tailored. Those places will tailor it for you so that will be good.

So I went shopping today with my friend who just got married (gasp, I know, he let her out of the house!) and my sister. Everyone got snacks and ate lunch and I ate before and just got a diet dr. pepper. It was hard. I am ending on just under 1300 cals! Pretty good since the last 3 days have been 1800-2000.

I wanted to find a dress belt to wear with this dress my mom got me b/c it needs an accent at the waist. I also wanted to look around at the suits because I guess I need to get one pretty soon for interviews and stuff.  Which do you guys think I really need to wear a suit? What do you guys think? If it’s for a healthcare position and not business do the same rules apply or can I get away with a skirt and cardigan?

So I fit into 12s and 14s. I did try one 10 skirt but it was a little snug on the bum! I found 2 cute cheap belts that I can wear over a sweater or with my skirt of whatever to give accent at the waist and I got a black pencil skirt. I figure if worse comes to worse I can put on that shirt and a button up shirt and I think I have a jacket somewhere in my closet! The skirt is a 12 and a little big but the 10 was too tight for me. I looked so curvy in the skirt and I asked the lady “Do you have anything that makes you look less curvy?” She’s like “WHAT? Why would you want that? Put on a belt and you’d have a perfect hourglass figure!” I laughed. I still see huge hips and stuff when I look in the mirror.

I had a really hard with with the suit jackets I tried on. If I put on the 10s or 12s they fit but not in the chest. I was getting so upset. I tried on cardigans but everytime I buttoned them they looked like they were about to pop off the buttons. If I got the XL then it fit in the chest but was too big everywhere else. I tried on sweaters and other things and same deal. My friend said it looked like I had a small waist and huge chest. I DON’T WANT THAT. I don’t want to look like Pam Andersen with everyone looking at me and thinking “boobs”. I wanted to cry in the dressing room but I thought OH WELL. I can’t be the only person, there has to be clothes that fit. Before when I was bigger, they assume bigger women have bigger chests so it wasn’t as much of a problem. Now when I went to Express and put on a sweater it looked skanky on me like I was showing off too much. WTF am I going to do?

I am going to try Dillards maybe for a suit if my idea doesn’t pan out. When I go for interviews for maybe doing a residency people say to wear a suit. I just feel like a black suit doesn’t match me. I am not saying I want to wear a orange suit but I love color. I liked this one suit at Express but it was like a deep blue and had the chest problem.

I know a lot of women would be happy but I am not. It is really frusterating and even if I wear a t-shirt my chest sticks out and people look. I had on a t-shirt today and when I took off my jacket my friend said “OMG it looks like you have a huge chest and a small waist” Which coming from her is a compliment but not to me. So I wore my jacket the rest of the time in the mall even though I was hot b/c I didn’t want anyone looking at me.

Thanks for the advice!

So I woke up today and went with my husband to the eye dr to get him new glasses b/c we are losing our vision benefit in Jan. This insurance this is KILLING us! Our premium is going up to $600 a month and our insurance sucks. I cannot wait to get a job so we can get off his plan. Anyways…we drove past the Dunkin Donuts again (they built one a few blocks from my house) and there was a huge line again. I feel like a magnet wanting to go inside and look at the treats. I went online to their nutrition facts and found a few things I could get just in case I did go. A pastry isn’t really worth 600 cals once you know it’s 600 cals…

I am doing really awesome today. I woke up, had my fiber bar, got some starbucks while waiting for my husband then came home and grilled chicken and put it inside Mama Lupe’s low carb tortillas. I don’t do low carb but I use to use these all the time when I was on South Beach. I really like them. They are high protein, chewy and soft and only 60 cals. I made myself one and am stuffed still. I just put some 2% cheese, salsa, grilled chicken I had marinated all night in fajita stuff. My husband ate 2. He’s up to 162 lbs and is grabbing his “belly” ahhaha His BMI is still 22…

I am at my parents waiting for my mom and sister to go to Costco and shopping. They have candy, donuts, pumpkin bread and chips here but I am too full to even think about eating any of it.

OH and my husband got Krispy Kreme’s last night and I didn’t eat any.

I ended last night at just over 2000 cals but that is good considering my emotions/food. OH and I figured out what is wrong with me…TOM! DUH!!! No wonder I was so hungry and stuff.

I am going to go out and buy more measuring cups and things because mine keep getting dirty and I am too lazy to wash them all the time. I need to measure my food because otherwise I always overdo it.

I am feeling really happy and confident today. I feel in control. I am able to face triggers today and be okay with them. I didn’t go to the party last night which is fine. Somedays are like that.

I kind of want to see a movie tonight…not sure what I will do. I am still having a runny nose but other then that I am completely fine from my cold.

I took my pup and my parents dog on a small walk when I got here, they were very happy.

Well hope you all have a good day and stay strong.

So I have done really well today. I stuck to my packed lunch and everything but I am getting really hungry for no reason. I am invited to this cocktail party thing that the pledges for my pharmacy fraternity (I know, dorky!) are having for us actives. It said they are having “cocktail food” and drinks. I am honestly scared to go. I don’t know if I can do it today. I feel like a drug addict going to a party, like the pressure will be too much and I will slip up. I HATE letting my “diet” get in the way of my life and usually I am pretty good at adapting but I just feel like I can’t do it today.

I feel like just staying at home and relaxing. I was kind of busy today. We’ve had 1 new diabetic kid admitted everyday this week. I’m tired even though I don’t lead their care!

They had leftover breakfast sandwiches from some morning meeting today and I really wanted one but I said NO to myself.

Today is one of those diet days where you just want to go hide in bed and make yourself go to sleep so you don’t eat the whole house. I think there is something chemically wrong with my brain. Physiologically I have enough calories, I am already at 1500 and I still have to eat dinner but mentally I feel like I haven’t eaten anything at all. I feel like tearing into something and chewing.

What I should do is take a nap with my pup and stop thinking about food, eat dinner, then go take a walk. I should go to bed early because I need to wake up and do errands tomorrow. I would like to exercise Sat and Sun too.

BUT I also want to go to the party and meet the new pledges…I feel trapped.

Thanks for listening. I wish my body would leave me alone.

So they opened the Dunkin Donuts today by my house, the freaking news station was there even…stupid. There was a line out the door when I drove by at 7:15am and when I got home at 5pm. THEN when I went to zumba and they opened a Five Guys And A Burger right by the gym. I swear it popped up over night. Ugh. I am like WTF? Do they want to clog all out arteries?

Today went well. Got a lot done but this position is not my thing for sure. I am a diehard pharmacy person, it is how I am programmed to think and it’s hard to think about things from a diabetes educator point of view. I miss my drugs!!! All I do now it seems is just insulin which is cool and all but I like more than just insulin and metformin.

They brought cinamon rolls for me and my preceptor this morning because my preceptor had a bad morning, I said no thanks.

I got into a big talk with one of the endocrine docs during lunch. She is a HUGE fad dieter. Now she is reading “Living to Eat” and was eating a big bag of raw green beans. She wants to write her own book I guess. I must say working with endocrine physicians, diabetes nurses and nutritioists is really nice, everyone really does eat healthy. The nutritionist are SO SO SO anal! They know everything, I love picking their brains. I didn’t reveal anything to anyone about my personal story. I just sit and listen. They know I am careful but they are all careful so it doesn’t really matter. It’s not weird and no one notices. They look at what I eat really carefully but it’s similar to my food. Lots of veggies, fruit, lean proteins, nuts. One nurse practitioner is on Weight Watchers and talks about it all the time and then this endocrine physician is on this Eat to Live diet but otherwise it’s all healthy eating for everyone else.

I went to zumba tonight. It was good but this lady next to me was reaking of perfume, I tried to distance myself. There was a circle around her of emptyness because I think everyone knows to stay away. It was SO gross. Next time I need to get super far away. My teacher is kind of low key so I had to do my own more high impact versions of some moves to keep it challenging for me. 99% of my class is pretty novice so I tried to just do my own thing and not look around because then I would get lost. My Monday class is full of hardcore people. It’s all good, I still was sweating!

So I am still counting cals and doing good. I am going to weigh in this coming Tues since TOM is coming up and I refuse to weigh myself during then!

When you guys go to write a blog do you have a spam section called “incoming links”??? WTF??? What is going on with that?

I am doing really good. I am feeling a lot better. Still have a runny nose but oh well. I went back to rotation today and it was super boring. All the physicians are studying for their speciality boards so we don’t have clinic that much.

I went to the store tonight and got a lot of good foods. So far, so good. I have been logging my cals since Sunday. I have to work tomorrow tonight and I hope there is no candy. I am shooting for 1400-1500 cals under advice from my 150’s hero Loni.

I am getting excited for Thanksgiving and for next month to have off. I am going to Las Vegas for a conference to possibly do a residency next year and then when I get back me and the husband are going to FL. My inlaws got us a condo for the week as a Christmas gift.

Well I hope everyone is doing well!

The thing I have learned about this journey is that you can’t be stuck on one thing. Life changes and you have to adapt. When I first started to “diet” years ago I first did the southbeach diet, then gave up, started to exercise, found Seattle Sutton, learned about nutrition, started group classes…my success is a combination of all those events. I had to go through everything to get to this point.

So I did yoga for a while, now I am trying this boot camp class…I am trying new things and keeping myself excited and challenged.

I decided to go back to counting calories again. I get my last meals tomorrow then I am done.

I can make the right choices and am re-motivated to do this again.

I am still sick. I have a headache that won’t quit. I am not going into tomorrow to rotation. I don’t want to risk getting any kids sick.

Well hang in there buddies, the holidays are upon us!